We (Nick and me) are joining his family for a vacation on a houseboat in BC in now... um... 12 sleeps. I'm so excited for this trip. I've never been. It's going to be so much fun.
As of Sunday, it struck me that I'm also terrified of this trip. I'm so scared that I'm going to have a meltdown on the boat. We're on there for 5 days. Lately I haven't been making it 5 days without a meltdown (or fit as I've been referring to them). This morning I put a really good finger on why its scaring me. There isn't a safe place on the boat where I can have a fit. There isn't a guarenteed environment where I can just let go without worrying about being judged. This usually happens at home (sorry Nick) where I feel safe and know I won't be judged. I know he understands even if he doesn't understand why it's happening. And while Nick is going to be there, there are also going to be a lot of other people there also. And the boat is going to be a fairly small confine. I don't know how to change the boat into a safe place.
I hate feeling like a bomb that is just waiting to go off. And you never know how much longer is on the timer until it starts to detinate.
Mood Update: Yesterday and today: Completely depressed. Today possibly worse than yesterday.
Councilling update: First appointment: Sep26. Its a little way off but it will come quick. Just don't word it as "6 weeks away".
Med update: I don't know if they are working. I feel like I'm cycling quicker than ever. My doctors appointment is Thursday. We need to have a serious look at them. I just want to be stable. Any improvement would be huge at this point.
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Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Please know that we think of you often and pray for you to find the strength and courage to over come the BP each day.
~Your friends who love you dearly.
Thank you. You guys are so dear to me. I hold you close to my heart. Your support means so much to me. Please know that I will always be there for you.
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