Let me tell of the dream that I woke up to this morning:
For reasons unknown, the concert band that I'm with was playing at Jenn's church. I was in the girls washroom. (I have never been in there in real life; It was a standard washroom with multiple stalls and the sinks across from them) I heard Jenn in the room. I think she was talking to her sister. When I stood up, the walls were only 3/4 height (don't ask why; I don't have any control over the details). Jocelyn and Jenn were "gossiping" (lack of a better term). Jenn had her back to me but looked when Joce's face took on a look of shock. Very quickly they both started to make excuses. I'm not sure who said what. "It's very apologetic." "You wouldn't have liked it anyway." ... Then MO walked into the bathroom. And she started asking if I had seen the latest House episode (we used to discuss this often)
Then I woke up
I haven't seen Jenn or Joce in a long time. Or at least it feels like a long time. They were over for supper club not long ago. But the last time just us girls hung out together was at the last pole dancing class. The last time I hung out with either of them one-on-one, I couldn't tell you. Now they are still taking dance class together. My irrational-self keeps wondering if they are going to get even closer and loose the need for me in their lives. (For who ever doesn't know: I have issues with being abandoned by friends)
MO is much of the same story but I'm getting into the details here because the dream really was about Jenn and Joce. MO's dream was last week.
Just because I'm no longer dancing, please don't forget or neglect me.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
I'm with the band
I'm going to keep this short. I am supposed to be studying (but I just read a whole chapter in my psych book and that took me 2.5; yes, I know that I'm just justifying to myself). See I still write a lot if I'm not quite so pressed for time. Some have been bugging me that I don't write enough while I'm in school.
Big news. I've joined the edmonton concert pops. I got an email from Dennis (director/owner of the bandstand) on Sunday. He just happened to remember me when he was emailing his band (I think he wrote my email address down very specifically when I had emailed him for information on some community bands). The email contained a personal invitation for me to join them. So monday evening I went to practice and I'm officially part of a band again. And it feels so good.
Other big news: I got 71% on my Anthro midterm. Not steller I know but I'm still on the high side of the class average. One person got 94% (geek!), there were a few with low 80s, a few with low 70s, most were in the 60s, there were a few in the 40s and a surprising number of people with 31%.
It's feeling so good to know that my semester isn't shot at this point and that, while I may have to work a little bit more effectively, I'm really standing a chance to get into business. That's a good think because I've already sent in my application with the application fee.
Big news. I've joined the edmonton concert pops. I got an email from Dennis (director/owner of the bandstand) on Sunday. He just happened to remember me when he was emailing his band (I think he wrote my email address down very specifically when I had emailed him for information on some community bands). The email contained a personal invitation for me to join them. So monday evening I went to practice and I'm officially part of a band again. And it feels so good.
Other big news: I got 71% on my Anthro midterm. Not steller I know but I'm still on the high side of the class average. One person got 94% (geek!), there were a few with low 80s, a few with low 70s, most were in the 60s, there were a few in the 40s and a surprising number of people with 31%.
It's feeling so good to know that my semester isn't shot at this point and that, while I may have to work a little bit more effectively, I'm really standing a chance to get into business. That's a good think because I've already sent in my application with the application fee.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Macbeth
We went and saw Macbeth last night, the great Shakespearian tragedy, which is being put on by the Citadel. They had "changed" the story, placing it in a world war II setting. It didn't work. There was problems with enunciation and sentence breaks, so the wording was really hard to understand. Something that needs to be dealt with carefully while dealing with Shakespeare's plays. Out of the whole play, the best acted characters were those done by the children. How sad is that. The final review: Don't waste your money; you will be disappointed
My mark for my Christian exam came back. Are we all ready for this: 18/45. That is the worst that I have ever failed any test but I knew that mark was coming so at least it wasn't a shock. I went and talked with my prof afterwards. I briefly explained that when I'm under stress, the bipolar starts to cycle. When I'm off balance, I have trouble holding onto thoughts for more than a few seconds. While this doesn't greatly effect a multiple choice exam (they are typically timed so that I can read a question a couple of times if I need to) or a short answer, it reeked havoc with the long written responses. My prof understood. He said he is more than willing to accommodate this but that we should try the official methods before we work out something on our own. He suggested that I go and talk with the students with disabilities office. So I went and told them briefly what was going on. As soon as I said bipolar, the receptionist said that I was going to need to see one of their advisors. I have an appointment for next Thursday.
The other thing that my prof said was that when he is deciding on final marks, he takes a lot into consideration. Things such as if you get a really low mark on your first exam and really high marks on your next midterm and the final, then he will scrap the mark from your first midterm and give you the mark off of the later tests. This means that I shouldn't give up and that I can still get a good mark in this class.
And he said that he would help me out. If I start planning my questions out (we already have the questions for the next test), I can bring them to him and he will help make sure that I'm on the right track. He even has some well written exams from past terms that I can look at (for questions similar to our last exam of course). This is perfect because then I can write an answer that is very similar to what he is looking for.
I'm so glad that I have a prof that really wants his students to succeed and do well in his course. He realizes that a lot of people who take the course probably aren't studying to be theologians.
All in all, it is a huge relief. I better get going. I have some planning to do.
My mark for my Christian exam came back. Are we all ready for this: 18/45. That is the worst that I have ever failed any test but I knew that mark was coming so at least it wasn't a shock. I went and talked with my prof afterwards. I briefly explained that when I'm under stress, the bipolar starts to cycle. When I'm off balance, I have trouble holding onto thoughts for more than a few seconds. While this doesn't greatly effect a multiple choice exam (they are typically timed so that I can read a question a couple of times if I need to) or a short answer, it reeked havoc with the long written responses. My prof understood. He said he is more than willing to accommodate this but that we should try the official methods before we work out something on our own. He suggested that I go and talk with the students with disabilities office. So I went and told them briefly what was going on. As soon as I said bipolar, the receptionist said that I was going to need to see one of their advisors. I have an appointment for next Thursday.
The other thing that my prof said was that when he is deciding on final marks, he takes a lot into consideration. Things such as if you get a really low mark on your first exam and really high marks on your next midterm and the final, then he will scrap the mark from your first midterm and give you the mark off of the later tests. This means that I shouldn't give up and that I can still get a good mark in this class.
And he said that he would help me out. If I start planning my questions out (we already have the questions for the next test), I can bring them to him and he will help make sure that I'm on the right track. He even has some well written exams from past terms that I can look at (for questions similar to our last exam of course). This is perfect because then I can write an answer that is very similar to what he is looking for.
I'm so glad that I have a prof that really wants his students to succeed and do well in his course. He realizes that a lot of people who take the course probably aren't studying to be theologians.
All in all, it is a huge relief. I better get going. I have some planning to do.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
The end of exams and bruised knees
Woot. My last of my first set of my mid terms is complete. Right now, I couldn't ask for more school wise. And the marks are starting to role in.
On a completely different train of thought, I have reached the end of my bruised knees. No more pole dancing. And I am so sad. I really just want to keep dancing. But student loans don't cover excess expenses like pole dancing. Does anybody know a way that I could make $25 per week without having to do much and without having to put in more than a couple of hours per week? Then I could pole dance. I'm going to miss that time spent with Jenn and Joce. Even if I could figure it out, their next class starts tomorrow and I won't be there. And I'll probably never be able to catch up because I should redo level 2. I didn't put my all into it because I knew that I wouldn't be able to go on.
I'm off to relax. For the first time since December, I'm going to go and play Sims.
Later
- 20/25 in economics (really, I could have done better but I was so stressed out about the christian exam that immediately followed it).
- 46/55 for my Psychology exam. Not bad considering I didn't have time to read the text book (stupid, time consuming christian exam). Thankfully I've taken way to many psychology classes and have covered so much of this stuff too many times or in way greater detail.
- My Computers mark isn't posted yet but I'm not worried about it. After our labs that we have had to date, I'm ranked 12th out of 87 people (mostly because I lost .5 of a mark on my long written assignment; I don't think that is all that bad considering I hadn't studied yet).
- My christian class I'm worried about. 3 essays, 3 hours, go. We're supposed to get the mark back tomorrow. Everybody pray for me. I have a feeling that I'm going to be and going and talking to my prof and begging and pleading. I want to claim "learning disability". let me explain. I'm bipolar. When I get stressed I start to swing. Mania and depression come with a lovely side effect of not being able to hold onto thoughts for very long. That exam had me stressed out enough that the day before my exam I hit both manic and depressed. It's a significant thing when I swing like that (before anybody gets to worked up: remove the stress and my medication is free to work again; I'm fine now). Me writing that exam: I would write 2-3 words and loose my train of thought. Erase and write again to be left with another blank in my head. Repeat. I only got 2 essays partially done and didn't even get to the third. I hope he is will to negotiate.
- The final class and exam was my Alberta Archaeology class. I really like anthropology and my brain didn't make the connection that Archaeology isn't going to be as much fun. Oops. Have to live with it now. But there was a lot of questions on that exam where the saying "If you can't blind them with brilliance, baffle them with bull shit" came into effect. There were some questions that I know I got 100% on (eg. What characteristics of buffalo got taken advantage of during a communal hunt? WooHoo for behavioural ecology). We'll see how it goes. I have this feeling that he isn't a prof that you can suck up to. I just have to nail the assignment and final and I'll be okay. I think. I hope
On a completely different train of thought, I have reached the end of my bruised knees. No more pole dancing. And I am so sad. I really just want to keep dancing. But student loans don't cover excess expenses like pole dancing. Does anybody know a way that I could make $25 per week without having to do much and without having to put in more than a couple of hours per week? Then I could pole dance. I'm going to miss that time spent with Jenn and Joce. Even if I could figure it out, their next class starts tomorrow and I won't be there. And I'll probably never be able to catch up because I should redo level 2. I didn't put my all into it because I knew that I wouldn't be able to go on.
I'm off to relax. For the first time since December, I'm going to go and play Sims.
Later
Thursday, February 7, 2008
For Lent, I'm giving up inactivity
I started discussing the idea of lent with Nick on Tuesday. I wasn't raised in the Catholic tradition so it was as simple as I had no clue what this was about. Nick tried to explain for me but I still had more questions.
We ended up talking about it in my Christian class on Wednesday (which happened to be ash Wednesday). My prof defined it as "a time when you give something up to be able to remember about all of those who don't have what you have."
I think that this whole idea sounds kind of silly. Deny yourself something just because somebody else doesn't have what you do. It's a very weird form of social justice and social interaction. So instead of me giving up something that somebody else doesn't have, I'm going to give somebody something that I have.
I live in a community downtown where you see homelessness everyday. There are regulars around that I have began to recognize as some of the "street people". I can't make all of their problem go away, but I can make scarves, hats and blankets. Winters in Alberta are long and cold and people like these can't afford items like these. I'm starting right away and I'm going to make as many scarves and hats (and maybe a few blankets) as I can so that I can donate them to the bissel center at the beginning of next winter.
Any who wish to join in this effort, you would be more than welcome. I can teach you how to knit and crochet.
Let's see how big of a box we can make in a few months.
Joce: I need to go and see that "reuse center" that you know of. I'm going to need a lot of yarn, the cheaper the better.
And I'm throwing around the idea of doing some serious christmas baking next year and giving it to the local women's shelters. They don't get things like that because of their circumstances.
Everybody do your part to help out somebody else in your community who really needs it, even if it only feels like a small help
We ended up talking about it in my Christian class on Wednesday (which happened to be ash Wednesday). My prof defined it as "a time when you give something up to be able to remember about all of those who don't have what you have."
I think that this whole idea sounds kind of silly. Deny yourself something just because somebody else doesn't have what you do. It's a very weird form of social justice and social interaction. So instead of me giving up something that somebody else doesn't have, I'm going to give somebody something that I have.
I live in a community downtown where you see homelessness everyday. There are regulars around that I have began to recognize as some of the "street people". I can't make all of their problem go away, but I can make scarves, hats and blankets. Winters in Alberta are long and cold and people like these can't afford items like these. I'm starting right away and I'm going to make as many scarves and hats (and maybe a few blankets) as I can so that I can donate them to the bissel center at the beginning of next winter.
Any who wish to join in this effort, you would be more than welcome. I can teach you how to knit and crochet.
Let's see how big of a box we can make in a few months.
Joce: I need to go and see that "reuse center" that you know of. I'm going to need a lot of yarn, the cheaper the better.
And I'm throwing around the idea of doing some serious christmas baking next year and giving it to the local women's shelters. They don't get things like that because of their circumstances.
Everybody do your part to help out somebody else in your community who really needs it, even if it only feels like a small help
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