Slacking in a stupid class

That is correct if you read the title. I'm in a class (3rd day of school, 2nd day of classes) and I fear that this is going to be completely and utterly stupid. It's our TIP class (a 3 part series on how to use the college's online system. So I'm writing this instead while eating lunch. Yes, I am eating while in class, near a computer.

Enough of that negativity

I have some interesting news, but since I didn't read it before I started to write this so that some of this may be a repeat.

I had dinner with my brother. It rocked. It was a Saturday night. They came over. Nick cooked. As usual, it took us 3 days to finish cleaning up afterward. (Neither of us remotely care for doing dishes.)
I'm really enjoying that Con and I are starting to do things together again. Life, and our relationship, got kind of screwed up when Mom and Dad separated back in 2001. Life is getting back to normal. I've repaired my relationship with Mom and Dad. Now me and boy get to work on ours. We've gone for breakfast and we've had dinner. And we're enjoying spending time together. It's awsome.

Nick got a job. Yesterday, so I know this hasn't been on here yet. Life is going become so much easier now that there is money coming back in.

Umm... I started school. It feels so good to be back.

I keep dreaming about MO. It's hard. I need to talk to her but I don't want to burst her bubble quite yet.

I was so right. This class is so stupidly boring! It's about how to send an email or recieve an email. Oh, my God!!! It's a good thing we have full access to the internet.

Here we go Eskimos, here we go

Went to the Esks game last night. We kicked Saskatchewan's butt! 27-10! And we gave them 3 of those points. I think Nick is corrupting me though. I can now follow were the football is going and I sat outside last night to watch it when it was below 10 above.

Went to my Cousin's baby shower the other day. That is the biggest baby I have ever seen. 2 weeks old and he weighs 11 lbs, 10 oz. OUCH!

On the job front: I'm going to be a busy girl. Looks like I'm going to have 7 or 8 shifts in the first 2 weeks of class. And I'm making $15.28/hour. I've never met retail that pays that well.
Nick, on the other hand, is having a little bit more trouble on this front. He didn't get that other job. So he's back to looking.

Well, I need to go and pick up the new key to the apartment building, so that's all folks!

The timing

I'm finding it a little bit hard to remember to write. You know. One of those "I really want to write about this" but then I end up busy and I don't write about it. Or by the time I do get a chance to write about it, it's no longer important.

Quick update: I got the job at the MacEwan bookstore. Orientation is tonight.

Backtracking to Saturday:
It was Mo's wedding. It was lovely. Full Catholic service. Big dinner. Didn't stay long into the dance (they weren't playing my kind of music. The oldest DJ I've ever seen was playing either slow songs or polkas. It was terrible).
The issue: Mo and I had a falling out quite a while back, when I was sick. I wasn't a very good friend when I was sick. Slowly, we're starting to talk again. Slowly to the point of we may call each other once a month or so but I've been inviting her out for coffee or over for dinner for over a year. She doesn't do the inviting and she doesn't take up the invitations. I'm feeling like she doesn't want me back in her life. I'm trying not to press, give her time to let the past heal, but this is starting to take too long without any progress. :(
It hit home at the wedding. Nick and I have been together for 2.5 years, but Sheila (her sister), and Mr & Mrs O have never met Nick. That is way to long. There is so much that needs to be fixed.
Right now she is on her honeymoon and I figure that I will give her a little bit of time to get used to playing house before I push this issue. I knew that it needed to be dealt with before the wedding but I figured that that wasn't going to be the best time to bring this up. It was her time. It can be our time in a bit.

I really hope that this can be resolved. I miss Mo in my life.

She is always going to be Mo to me. MBB just won't work (her married initials).

Jobs, Jobs, Jobs ... I can't wait for September

It has been so long since last I've written in this thing. But really not much has changed.

I was working at Dawn's Bra-tique (a high end bra store) but I didn't like it so I was looking for something else. I got offered a job at Le Belle Femme (another high end bra store) and quit at Dawn's the next day. The conversation went: "I'm sorry but I'm going to have to give my notice." "Don't come back tomorrow." Bitch!

I came home from work that day to find out that Nick had been let go at Stantec because of a lack of work. Crap!

I tried to get hold of Le Belle Femme to see if I could start earlier. No answer. So I started on the planned day. I was having complications with my meds through all of this: headaches and bad, bad dizzy spells. I told them about this the first day I started. I never disclose that I'm bipolar until I'm comfortable in a place and trust the people I'm around. It makes people act funny around you. In the second week, I had a dizzy day and stayed home because I was having trouble standing. The Tuesday after the August long weekend I stayed home as well and cursed my meds. I got a phone call from them Wednesday morning while I was already on my way to work that said that they "had no more hours for me." Why can't people just say "Don't come in, you're fired"? Okay, so I got skidded due to a complication in my medication. Great. I did kind of like that job although the boss wore me out. She was to high strung and she wanted everybody else to be high strung. Oh well. Let's carry on.

Nick had an interview on Tuesday with another surveying firm. It sounds like he got the job assuming references and his drivers abstract came back okay. No problem! But not official yet. The job is out of town though. It's going to pay really well but it's 3 weeks out and 1 week in. I'm going to miss him but that will probably get covered in great detail in another post.

I went for an interview at the MacEwan bookstore yesterday. I think it went well but I will have to wait till tomorrow before I hear back from them.

Did I ever mention that I hate trying to find a full time job for only 4 months? I wish that if you were in school that summer wasn't nearly so long. A break is good but I get really bored by about 2.5 months into it.

Mostly, I can't wait until September hits and we can get back to normal.

Long weekend

It is the Canada Day long weekend. Let the celebrations begin. I get 3 days off of work. Better yet, Nick does too. We actually get to spend 3 whole days together. Wow. It hasn't happened in so long that I've kind of been missing Nick.

Otherwise there isn't much to tell. I am sick of the bra store, would love to get a desk job again, and can't wait for school to start. I really am sick of the bra store. Dawn is not the most pleasant person in the world to work for. She is very critical and everybody knows that I take criticism very personally. I'm an admitted perfectionist. I know that I only really have two months there and then I'm back in school. I'm going to tough it out. Then I'm only going to work one day a week in the fall. And if she doesn't want me to work one day there, I'll work one day somewhere else. The shoppers on the corner is always hiring.

Today though, on happier thoughts, is shopping with my girls and tomorrow we're going to the horse track. Good times

Be Careful What You Eat

I ate something bad. I'm not sure what it was, but it was bad. It wasn't something obvious like when Nick ate the beer foam (yes, he ate foam that was coming out the top of a carboy; Please read: 100% bacteria) but it had nearly the same effect.

It kept me home yesterday. It kept me laying on the couch for the whole of yesterday. If I sat or stood, gravity was working against me and I was making a run for the washroom. The worst part was that my stomach was all cramped up. The last time I felt something like that is when I had my appendix out. So on top of everything else, that feeling made me feel just a little bit panicky.

Today I'm feeling better but still didn't go to work. If it was a desk job, I would have toughed it out. But it's a standing job and I was feeling way to weak. In fact, I've had a 5.5 hour nap after a solid night of sleep and after only being up again for an hour, I could go back to bed. Yesterday was rough.

But mostly: YUCK!!!

One more thing

I got a new computer. I still can't believe how crystal clear the picture is on this thing. Or how fast it runs. It's new enough that the guy at the store said that it will actually stay as a top of the line for about 60 days.

I got to hug my Grandpa last night

My grandparents have been slowly showing up in my dreams over the last little while. A bit ago, it was grandma Eva who passed away about a year ago. And it wasn't a brief visit. We sat and chatted and hung out.

Last night it was Grandpa John (my mom's dad). I haven't seen him in forever. I haven't even felt him around since Grandma Rose passed away in April of 2002. He used to come around all the time to check on us before then. (Yes I believe in spirits and that they can come and walk among the living) I have missed him. But he showed up last night like looking just like I remembered him. Well maybe not perfectly. I was in elementary when he passed away. I was small enough that everything still looked larger than life. I think he appeared a little bit fatter that he was in real life. Oh well, I was good to visit with him.

This would freak some people out, visits from dead relatives. But it was so enjoyable. I didn't wake up sad or anything like that. It was refreshing and very satisfying.

To catch up

It has been such a disgusting long time since last I've written. I've actually been feeling guilty about not writing. Weird but true.

School is going to be the biggest update that I have. I finished my semester at the University. I did good. I got a 3.0 at the end. (A in Computers; A- in Econ; B+ in Psych; C+ in my Christian class; C in Anthro) I was quite impressed with myself. When I did school in my previous life (before I was balanced on meds) I was getting pretty much a strait C student. The A's and high B's feel fantastic.

The problem is that to get into the accounting program at that U you need a high mark. Their competitive average is between 3.0 and 3.3. Later year it was a 3.1. That means that I don't stand a huge chance of getting in. Yikes!

So I changed my plan. I've dropped my summer class (I get to start working right away full time). And I'm going to MacEwan College in the fall. I've already started all the paper work. It's going to be a good program. It's very interactive while the University program is very text book/theory based. Plus it gives me an excuse to buy a new computer. :)

I feel very good with this decision. I'm very relaxed. I'm looking forward to the fall.

Now I just need to get a job.

Stupid Flu

What a week to be sick! I have a paper that I need to write a paper that is due next tuesday that I have been putting off. Corb Lund has his concert tonight. I had bought Nick tickets for Christmas. Now a co-worker of his that I don't know is going in my place. I'm so sad.

I have a paper to write and I'm not thinking well. I should get after it because things take longer to write when you can't think.

My official 60th post

And life continues.

Actually, life goes crazy.

My final midterm for the semester is this afternoon. Then 2 more small projects (one of which I am currently avoiding by writing this) and finals. Then we all can hold our collective breath and wait to see if my GPA is going to be high enough. One last great push and hopefully all goes well.

Going to school this time around is entirely different than when I did my first degree. This time I feel smart. I'm getting grades like when I was back in high school. It feels so good to know that I'm not actually a C+/B- student. That I am actually an A student (at least in most subjects). It's amazing the difference between sick and healthy.

In other news, I have a band concert next Tuesday. I started to break in a new reed last night at practice (I play clarinet for those who don't know - I have no clue who may actually read this blog). And my face hurt so bad. After 45 min (of and 1.5 hr practice) I started to sputter around my mouthpiece. Back in high school I could play for 3 hours on a brand new 3 reed and at least have made it through the practice on a 3.5. I was breaking in a 2.5. My mouth is not comparable.
Point being, I don't promise miracles on Tuesday. But I'm going to practice hard this week! There are a few tricky fingerings that I need to nail down.

Wednesday, Nick and I have our orientation for Little Bits. It's an organization that does horseback riding for children with disabilities. And we're going to be volunteering bright and early every Sunday morning. No more sleeping in for us. I'm so excited. I've wanted to do this for a while but didn't have the spare energy while I was making myself better.

It feels so good to be reinvesting in my life. It makes me feel just a little bit more alive.

I keep waking up to the strangest dreams

Let me tell of the dream that I woke up to this morning:

For reasons unknown, the concert band that I'm with was playing at Jenn's church. I was in the girls washroom. (I have never been in there in real life; It was a standard washroom with multiple stalls and the sinks across from them) I heard Jenn in the room. I think she was talking to her sister. When I stood up, the walls were only 3/4 height (don't ask why; I don't have any control over the details). Jocelyn and Jenn were "gossiping" (lack of a better term). Jenn had her back to me but looked when Joce's face took on a look of shock. Very quickly they both started to make excuses. I'm not sure who said what. "It's very apologetic." "You wouldn't have liked it anyway." ... Then MO walked into the bathroom. And she started asking if I had seen the latest House episode (we used to discuss this often)

Then I woke up

I haven't seen Jenn or Joce in a long time. Or at least it feels like a long time. They were over for supper club not long ago. But the last time just us girls hung out together was at the last pole dancing class. The last time I hung out with either of them one-on-one, I couldn't tell you. Now they are still taking dance class together. My irrational-self keeps wondering if they are going to get even closer and loose the need for me in their lives. (For who ever doesn't know: I have issues with being abandoned by friends)

MO is much of the same story but I'm getting into the details here because the dream really was about Jenn and Joce. MO's dream was last week.

Just because I'm no longer dancing, please don't forget or neglect me.

I'm with the band

I'm going to keep this short. I am supposed to be studying (but I just read a whole chapter in my psych book and that took me 2.5; yes, I know that I'm just justifying to myself). See I still write a lot if I'm not quite so pressed for time. Some have been bugging me that I don't write enough while I'm in school.

Big news. I've joined the edmonton concert pops. I got an email from Dennis (director/owner of the bandstand) on Sunday. He just happened to remember me when he was emailing his band (I think he wrote my email address down very specifically when I had emailed him for information on some community bands). The email contained a personal invitation for me to join them. So monday evening I went to practice and I'm officially part of a band again. And it feels so good.

Other big news: I got 71% on my Anthro midterm. Not steller I know but I'm still on the high side of the class average. One person got 94% (geek!), there were a few with low 80s, a few with low 70s, most were in the 60s, there were a few in the 40s and a surprising number of people with 31%.

It's feeling so good to know that my semester isn't shot at this point and that, while I may have to work a little bit more effectively, I'm really standing a chance to get into business. That's a good think because I've already sent in my application with the application fee.

Macbeth

We went and saw Macbeth last night, the great Shakespearian tragedy, which is being put on by the Citadel. They had "changed" the story, placing it in a world war II setting. It didn't work. There was problems with enunciation and sentence breaks, so the wording was really hard to understand. Something that needs to be dealt with carefully while dealing with Shakespeare's plays. Out of the whole play, the best acted characters were those done by the children. How sad is that. The final review: Don't waste your money; you will be disappointed

My mark for my Christian exam came back. Are we all ready for this: 18/45. That is the worst that I have ever failed any test but I knew that mark was coming so at least it wasn't a shock. I went and talked with my prof afterwards. I briefly explained that when I'm under stress, the bipolar starts to cycle. When I'm off balance, I have trouble holding onto thoughts for more than a few seconds. While this doesn't greatly effect a multiple choice exam (they are typically timed so that I can read a question a couple of times if I need to) or a short answer, it reeked havoc with the long written responses. My prof understood. He said he is more than willing to accommodate this but that we should try the official methods before we work out something on our own. He suggested that I go and talk with the students with disabilities office. So I went and told them briefly what was going on. As soon as I said bipolar, the receptionist said that I was going to need to see one of their advisors. I have an appointment for next Thursday.

The other thing that my prof said was that when he is deciding on final marks, he takes a lot into consideration. Things such as if you get a really low mark on your first exam and really high marks on your next midterm and the final, then he will scrap the mark from your first midterm and give you the mark off of the later tests. This means that I shouldn't give up and that I can still get a good mark in this class.

And he said that he would help me out. If I start planning my questions out (we already have the questions for the next test), I can bring them to him and he will help make sure that I'm on the right track. He even has some well written exams from past terms that I can look at (for questions similar to our last exam of course). This is perfect because then I can write an answer that is very similar to what he is looking for.

I'm so glad that I have a prof that really wants his students to succeed and do well in his course. He realizes that a lot of people who take the course probably aren't studying to be theologians.

All in all, it is a huge relief. I better get going. I have some planning to do.

The end of exams and bruised knees

Woot. My last of my first set of my mid terms is complete. Right now, I couldn't ask for more school wise. And the marks are starting to role in.

• 20/25 in economics (really, I could have done better but I was so stressed out about the christian exam that immediately followed it).
  
• 46/55 for my Psychology exam. Not bad considering I didn't have time to read the text book (stupid, time consuming christian exam). Thankfully I've taken way to many psychology classes and have covered so much of this stuff too many times or in way greater detail.
• My Computers mark isn't posted yet but I'm not worried about it. After our labs that we have had to date, I'm ranked 12th out of 87 people (mostly because I lost .5 of a mark on my long written assignment; I don't think that is all that bad considering I hadn't studied yet).
• My christian class I'm worried about. 3 essays, 3 hours, go. We're supposed to get the mark back tomorrow. Everybody pray for me. I have a feeling that I'm going to be and going and talking to my prof and begging and pleading. I want to claim "learning disability". let me explain. I'm bipolar. When I get stressed I start to swing. Mania and depression come with a lovely side effect of not being able to hold onto thoughts for very long. That exam had me stressed out enough that the day before my exam I hit both manic and depressed. It's a significant thing when I swing like that (before anybody gets to worked up: remove the stress and my medication is free to work again; I'm fine now). Me writing that exam: I would write 2-3 words and loose my train of thought. Erase and write again to be left with another blank in my head. Repeat. I only got 2 essays partially done and didn't even get to the third. I hope he is will to negotiate.
• The final class and exam was my Alberta Archaeology class. I really like anthropology and my brain didn't make the connection that Archaeology isn't going to be as much fun. Oops. Have to live with it now. But there was a lot of questions on that exam where the saying "If you can't blind them with brilliance, baffle them with bull shit" came into effect. There were some questions that I know I got 100% on (eg. What characteristics of buffalo got taken advantage of during a communal hunt? WooHoo for behavioural ecology). We'll see how it goes. I have this feeling that he isn't a prof that you can suck up to. I just have to nail the assignment and final and I'll be okay. I think. I hope

On a completely different train of thought, I have reached the end of my bruised knees. No more pole dancing. And I am so sad. I really just want to keep dancing. But student loans don't cover excess expenses like pole dancing. Does anybody know a way that I could make $25 per week without having to do much and without having to put in more than a couple of hours per week? Then I could pole dance. I'm going to miss that time spent with Jenn and Joce. Even if I could figure it out, their next class starts tomorrow and I won't be there. And I'll probably never be able to catch up because I should redo level 2. I didn't put my all into it because I knew that I wouldn't be able to go on.

I'm off to relax. For the first time since December, I'm going to go and play Sims.
Later

For Lent, I'm giving up inactivity

I started discussing the idea of lent with Nick on Tuesday. I wasn't raised in the Catholic tradition so it was as simple as I had no clue what this was about. Nick tried to explain for me but I still had more questions.

We ended up talking about it in my Christian class on Wednesday (which happened to be ash Wednesday). My prof defined it as "a time when you give something up to be able to remember about all of those who don't have what you have."

I think that this whole idea sounds kind of silly. Deny yourself something just because somebody else doesn't have what you do. It's a very weird form of social justice and social interaction. So instead of me giving up something that somebody else doesn't have, I'm going to give somebody something that I have.

I live in a community downtown where you see homelessness everyday. There are regulars around that I have began to recognize as some of the "street people". I can't make all of their problem go away, but I can make scarves, hats and blankets. Winters in Alberta are long and cold and people like these can't afford items like these. I'm starting right away and I'm going to make as many scarves and hats (and maybe a few blankets) as I can so that I can donate them to the bissel center at the beginning of next winter.

Any who wish to join in this effort, you would be more than welcome. I can teach you how to knit and crochet.
Let's see how big of a box we can make in a few months.

Joce: I need to go and see that "reuse center" that you know of. I'm going to need a lot of yarn, the cheaper the better.

And I'm throwing around the idea of doing some serious christmas baking next year and giving it to the local women's shelters. They don't get things like that because of their circumstances.

Everybody do your part to help out somebody else in your community who really needs it, even if it only feels like a small help

Sisters are who you turn to when you fuck up really bad

I finally got to see Amanda last night. She finally decided to let me in on what has been going on for the last few months. I’ll explain more as I write this but let’s get right to the punchline. She is divorcing Peter. Woo Hoo. She finally saw what the rest of us have seen since the beginning.

I don’t know if I had brought Amanda up before in this blog so I will fill you in now. Amanda and I have been best friends since high school. It was the summer between Grade 11 and 12. We were both doing summer school. Not in the same class but we both rode our bikes in the same direction at the same time everyday so we ended up eventually riding together and slowly became friends. Having both grown up with little brothers, we consider each other the sister that nature never gave us.

She has been avoiding me because she wasn’t ready for the “Mel truth”. My truth isn’t always nice and isn’t always worded gently. Okay, it’s very rarely worded gently. Okay, it can be right down harsh because I have no problem telling exactly what it is.

She has been working through this truth for a while. She’s been avoiding me since August. We happened to meet up on MSN on Wednesday night and her comment was “I need a friend really bad, now”. So I called her. And she said that she couldn’t talk about it right then. I guessed that the reason was in the room (ie. Peter). So I invited her for dinner. Welcome to my 5 star restaurant.

I was kind of worried. Either she was getting divorced or she was pregnant. Turns out it was the better of the two options.

So we had a good long chat and she confided in me all of the stuff that Peter has been doing and how it's been making her feel. He tried to forbid her to have a Christmas tree. He is CONTROLLING. I'm glad she finally sees it. You can't get out of an abusive situation until you realize that that is what it is.

The next little while is going to be very difficult. We're all going to have to be there to support her and catch her. And when this is all over, I promised her we would hold an anti-staggette in Canmore. (A stagette is an event symbolizing the end of your single life. This needs to be an event symbolizing the beginning of it. Is there a technical term for this)

Owen, I have already given her your phone number. She will contact you when the time is right. I know you'll take good care of her.

Good luck, Manz. We all love you dearly.

Pole 2.1

The pole dancing classes have started again. Hello perma-bruises. The good news: I'm not nearly as sore as I thought I would have been. I was all prepared to not be able to move on Saturday but I woke up feeling good. By about 7PM on Saturday I was singing a slightly different tune. I'm having some trouble grabbing my hands behind my back. But still. That's minor. Guess I didn't loose as much muscle tone as I thought I was going to.

On another note. Today is my first day of school. Here I sit, writing this instead of running for a train to get to work. But I'm still going to leave earlier that I need to today. I'm going to go see Mom before I go to my classes. (I love having her work on campus) Then I have a class at 10 and one at 11. Then I'm going to stand in a line and get a new onecard that says student on it. Then I'm going to face the lineups to buy textbooks. (Groan) I tried to be smart and buy them Friday after I was done my last shift but I was being a good girl and didn't have my credit card on me. While is helps prevent spontaneous shopping, it prevents spontaneous, time-saving book buying trips. So line up here I come. And then I'll stand.

I'm going to keep this short. Not for the readers but because I have a cat that looks like she is going to cry if I don't give her a serious hug.

Sorry about the punctuation.